Bologna: Where to Eat (Part One)

an incomplete guide to some of my favourite places

Dear reader,

What a pleasure it is to speak to you through this medium. Not everyone enjoys the breakneck speed of a TikTok post, nor the concise nature of an Instagram post. Thank you for taking the time to read, at your own leisure, my terrible advice and awful thoughts to you.

I struggle in Italy to find restaurants and bars that I feel comfortable in. The blanket mindset that ‘everything in Italy is great’ is not true, as is the idea that if you have a bad meal it must be at a tourist trap. All tourist traps are bad, but not everything that is bad is a tourist trap. For a cuisine that prides itself so much on the simplicity, there are an awful lot of rules.

What I like about Bologna though is the sheer determination it has not to change. The menu at most restaurants will read as a dairy laden, gluten focused, meat overload. It is a cuisine so unaccommodating to modern dietary trends, Gen Z bloggers and clean eaters that you can guarantee the look of confusion on the waiters face when you ask for anything resembling a vegetable.

I am lucky in many respects that it is my job, to eat. Unfortunate that many want my opinion on it. Everyone has their favourite restaurants, loyal to them until the end of time even if they are shit. As a new arrival I do not have such loyalties and flit around the scene trying and more importantly comparing and considering. Would I go back? Was it worth it?

If a restaurant is not on this list it can only mean a few things. A, that I have not been, B, I have been and I did not think it to be reasonable to recommend. C, the restaurant is too good and I am not willing to share. There is only one restaurant in category C. I do not want to be in a position where I cannot get a table, because you have booked them all. Sorry.

Here are just a few restaurants that I like for various reasons, none of them are perfect, but I rate them highly and enjoy them immensely. Your experience at them depends on the company you keep, and the wine that you drink.

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For traditionalists

Nuova Roma The unfortunate truth of Bologna is that the food just outside the city is superior than in the city centre. Here the decor is like watching Abigail’s Party, it can only be described as immersive theatre. Nuova Roma is the gold standard of tortellini. On a Sunday at lunch time it is packed with families, so if you hate small children as much as we do, go literally any other time. A car or taxi booked in advance is essential.

Rodrigo, there is something rather Fawlty Towers about Rodrigo. The staff tell me that the restaurant had 2 Michelin stars in the 1970s which doesn’t surprise me. There is a faded glamour underneath the layers of oddly sponged paint. Whilst the menu is mostly local, don’t be surprised to see Roman carbonara on the menu too. I asked why and they replied “the Bolognese also enjoy carbonara, whats wrong with that?” - a very healthy attitude to have I think. The wine list here is elegant and classic with everything from Krug to local bottles.

Grasilli where the dining room walls are covered in photographs of stars and singers who have graced the tables. The only one you’ll recognise is Pavarotti. Order the tortellini but do not expect to get any parmigiano. Why, because what you end up with is a pool of disgusting spunk water. Muddy and gross. Please do not put parmigiano on your tortellini in brodo. Here at Grasilli, they don’t even offer it to you. You heathen! If you’re lucky, they’ll have the Mont Blanc on the menu, perhaps the only dessert in Bologna worth eating.

PS Gelato is not dessert. More on that another time

AutoTreno is a restaurant that opened for long distance truckers. Theres nothing like enormous plates of carbs to keep you awake on those tiresome drives across continental Europe is there? Sadly the truckers have gone, but the portion sizes remain generous for Italians but not in a Cheesecake Factory way. I had my birthday here last year and loved every minute of it.

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For the modernists

Oltre What Oltre excels at is well executed Bolognese dishes in a setting that doesn’t look like the room your parents conceived you in. The interior is like a gay darkroom at the Madonna Inn, pink fringed, with extreme low lighting to the point where you can barely see what you’re about to shove in your mouth. Considering the local cuisine either looks like an inflamed vulva (mortadella) or a plate of projectile vomit (tortellini con panna) I do not mind the dim lighting. Superb wine list.

Ahimè at Ahimè there is a piece of eyecandy to suit everyone’s taste. The food is wonderful too, with a menu that constantly evolves, focusing on fresh and experimental combinations that are just one degree past sensible or familiar. The head chef Lorenzo Vecchia moves in a way that few restaurants in Italy do, he actually uses his brain. Although he once tried to convince me that fennel could be a dessert. I hope you are reading this Lorenzo, fennel can never be a dessert. If you’re in Bologna for more than a few days, you might need a lighter meal and Ahimè is my bag.

However, I once had a very angry message from a woman who went on my recommendation and hated it. Fuck her, she’s wrong.

Casa Merlò can only be described as a restaurant perfect for fuckbois. The branding in the window uses the same typography as OnlyFans, the menu reads as a kitsch recreation of the 1970s, ruote alla vodka, poldino alla Bolognese, champagne and seafood pasta. Fuckboi cuisine at it’s finest! Whilst the Bolognese would seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the brown decade, Casamerlò perfectly straddles the two worlds between traditional and contemporary whilst actually having a personality.